On February 19th, 2016 my daughter was struck by a boulder while traveling in Colombia, South America. This giant rock cracked open her skull and face, crushed her lungs, fractured her spine, fractured her right thigh and smashed her left ankle. I had two options: I could either succumb to the “reality” of the crisis or I could choose to dig deep within myself and call upon my own inner strength to impact this situation. I chose the latter and what transpired was wave after wave of what the doctors called miracles.

My desire is to share some of the things that helped us most during the early days of that journey. I’m not telling you what to believe. I’m sharing with you our very real experiences for you to take from them any insights that you find valuable in your own journey.

  1. REACH OUT TO OTHERS. I’m not typically the type that posts all the cute cat photos or that shares the color of the cashier’s hair on Facebook. However, one of the first things that I did when I got “the call” was to pop onto FB and post a request for help. Whether it was having lived through a similar event, knowledge of Colombia or knowledge of potential contacts who might help me, anything seemed like it would help. Boy was I right! Not only did I almost immediately connect with people who could quickly establish contact with my daughter’s small regional hospital in Colombia but they were able to speak with the medical staff. One of the friends of a friend became an angel in our story and is now my very best friend. The angels are out there! Simply remember to ask.
  2. MINDSET IS BEYOND CRITICAL. Yes, there will be tears– and lots of them. Grieve as you need. That is a very important release. That said, begin to look for ways that you can feel some power in the situation. For me, a huge source of my initial anguish came from the feeling of being unable to do anything to assist my daughter. Find something that your mind and heart can believe in. It may be prayer. It may be the power of the medical field. For me, it was a little bit of everything including a strong belief in the Law of Attraction. That law states that what you focus upon MUST expand. Everything is energy and certain energy MUST create certain effects/ outcomes. I dove into that belief so completely that it became “a knowing”. I did not need to behave as if my daughter might not make it–because the Law stated that anything other than the outcome that I truly envisioned would be energetically impossible. Yes, the doctors initially thought that I was crazy but soon they began to refer to all of us as the miracle family. (If you would like to hear more of our story, visit www.facebook.com/schuyisthelimit or www.ilovemyimpossible.com ) And respectfully, this does not mean putting on a happy face or staying positive. This means finding some way to get into a mindset where you genuinely believe that miracles are possible and that Life has got your back. Please take a breath and don’t chastise yourself if it takes a minute to get there. Just know that Schuy and I are proof that if you CAN get there that the potential is endless.    
  3. DIET IS CRUCIAL. At some point, your loved one is going to progress from feeding tube to soft mechanicals. Chances are that this will happen when they are still technically an “in-patient”, potentially in rehab. No disrespect to the hospitals, but this is an opportunity for the care givers to assume some control. The brain responds to “brain food”. With all due respect, hospital food typically isn’t set up to deliver brain optimization. Use this as an opportunity to jump in as a care giver. Assume control. The blender is your best friend. Discover the wonderful world of smoothies and start to arrive with a mandatory flask of healthful “indulgences”. Tumeric, chia seeds, spinach, kale, Mega 3s– there are many wonderful ingredients that directly contribute to a brain on the mend. And yes, there are even times when celebration comes into play. Want to share a birthday moment with a cupcake? Go for it…with a single serving blender, pretty much everything is possible ! Even when you are only cleared to consume soft mechanicals!
  4. THINK AS A TEAM WHENEVER POSSIBLE. Even the most encouraging traumatic brain injury can require a formidable amount of time to see improvement. More often than not this means that the primary care giver is also going to experience a huge change in their own life. The amount of time to devote to their own pursuits and the amount of revenue that they can generate is going to be majorly impacted. Expect this. This is not the caregiver’s “fault”, the patient’s “fault” or anything or anyone’s “fault”. It just “is” so the sooner that everyone can adjust to the new (and potentially temporary) “normal”, the happier everyone will be. Understand that the primary caregiver is now assuming a new (or second) livelihood so the more support that other family members can give this individual, the easier it will be for all. The assumption needs to be made that the person who will be physically stepping in as the primary caregiver will also need support both in time and with finances. It is simply not realistic to believe that a primary caregiver can continue on with their life with “business as usual”. Come up with a plan for success as early as possible. Designate times for the Caregiver to have their own time. If you are not in the position to assist temporarily with some financial support, time and good cheer are both marvelous ways that you can contribute. Little gestures can be huge. If other members of the team can shop for groceries, do some loads of laundry, change sheets– basically anything to shorten the “to do” list of the primary caregiver– this can relieve both the stress level of the primary caregiver as well as the tension felt by the TBI patient themselves. Get creative!
  5. RELAX THROUGH THE JOURNEY AND MANAGE THE EXPECTATIONS. Understand that some of the phases in the recovery process may be frightening if you do not understand or expect them. Although my own daughter never went through these particular phases, I have heard of and seen first hand patients not recognizing family members and going through phases where they could be quite mean. Hold onto the word “temporary” and understand that some of the anger and harsh words can actually indicate that the patient is working to get their OWN power back. It can be an indication that they are moving from an apathetic, dependent phase to a more self-empowering desire for an increasing level of independence. The words may sting but know that they do pass. It is all part of the recovery process. Each patient is different so as part of the caregiving team, try to resist making the BTI patient’s initial behavior and challenges “mean” something far more daunting than it needs to be. One of my favorite analogies used by one of my daughter’s Miami therapists is to imagine that you have lived in your home town for decades. One day a huge explosion destroys much of the downtown area. As time goes by, the businesses and the roads are rebuilt but it will take time to figure out the best way to get to your favorite places. Yes, for the TBI patient, there will be memory loss of some sort– some potentially permanent but much of it only temporary. The brain filtering process that most of us take for granted will need to be redeveloped. There quite possibly will be some muscular and nerve issues as well. Understand that the phenomenal human apparatus will continue to heal for years to come so be patient. Make a conscious decision that this journey does not get to dictate your level of happiness and fulfillment. I can promise you that my daughter and I find many reasons to laugh and find joy even as we work on her recovery. Look for the successes. Expect to find many more of them than you see disappointments. Even miracles do happen. My daughter and I are living proof of that. The mind is far more powerful than I would have believed had I not been the mom of a TBI patient. Know that this will most likely not be a quick journey, but it will be worth every bit of awe and delight that you allow yourself to see. My daughter and I have discovered that it is not IN SPITE of the boulders that we have succeeded. It has been precisely THANKS TO this crazy boulder that we have discovered new elements of our lives that have profoundly rich meaning. Embrace your own boulders and learn to see the grace in this amazing journey and in your own phenomenal caregiving team.

    Joy is the most powerful healing secret of all! Photo by Brontë Wittpenn