My dear special subscription family! Today I sit facing out onto a mountain of snow. Yes, literally (OMG!!)— and my heart is on fire with joy!

Not since the Miami 37th heaven have I felt such awe! A ballet of snowflakes dance on the porch in front of me and like the mysterious fireflies that graced the night during my childhood, waves of skiers float down the slopes in the distance, suddenly completely obscured by the density of the falling snow… It is a powerful afternoon— yet another step of evolution in our own profoundly inspiring journey.

Schuy lies sleeping behind me, her iPad tucked underneath her pillow, tantalizing my heart with the faint sounds of Coldplay. It is a hard to describe moment. Even in the few hours that we have been here in Utah, the snow drift on the balcony has grown. Even as I write, the cloud of snow has expanded and all I can see is white… no mountain… no skiers… barely the hint of trees… Much like Life… now you see what you think that you saw and now you don’t… so just because you think that you don’t see it, is it truly no longer there?

My heart pangs as I hear “She is Love” crooning out gently from Schuy’s iPad. The first time that I heard it was in the Colombian ICU during that mystifying “Schuy Playlist” experience…. wishing that we could play music for her but zero wifi… and then magically Pandora began to play… and the songs that “Pandora played” resonated like a conversation that Schuy was initiating with the three of us (Saya, Dana and me). As that particular song came on, in the midst of a flood of emotions, Saya revealed to us that she wanted to play that song during her wedding. As I look back, I think that it was at that moment that the three of us felt like this playlist was far from random. To say the least. No one else but Schuy had known the power of that song to Saya. Schuy was to be Saya’s maid of honor and she was not letting go.

There are still many, many moments when I fight back tears— not because I ever doubt or worry — but simply because sometimes the “realness” of this all is beautifully overwhelming. Never in a million years did I dream that I would be living this moment. Never in a million years would I have missed it. It may sound strange to hear but if I did not believe that Schuyler will one day emerge ‘triumphant” in her mission to positively change the world, I perhaps wouldn’t be feeling this. And yet I powerfully do.

As I sit here at this gorgeous window and stare out at this beautiful snowy world, I can’t help but reflect at the way that Life embraces change. We humans seem to fear it, resent it or view it as a mortal flaw. Nature on the other hand seems to view its version of change as perhaps the secret of awe and eternity….And meanwhile the skiers ski… some fall… some fly down the slope… regardless of their path, they will all reach the same destination…. More Coldplay… I hear that luscious breathing sound from my amazing daughter… the mound of snow on the balcony continues to grow… and Life seems beyond beautiful…

I can see why Schuy’s friend’s father calls this spot his haven. I would not exactly call this a man cave but it is indeed the powerhouse of living in the moment. His desk lies pushed up against this vast window. Beyond this window lies a mountain engulfed in the swirling embrace of this major storm while exuding nothing but peaceful calm acceptance of this dramatic pulse of life. Imagine that.

I am captivated.

Last night they closed the roads due to “avalanche control” . In the middle of the night, I was awakened by a distant booming roar. I lay there snuggling with my pillow smiling… in this beautifully ironic way, we were discovering that often the best way forward is to go ahead and allow the avalanches to fall where they may— and where they must…. go ahead and blast away… then bring out the snow plows and celebrate the new fallen snow… without the blizzards, these avid skiers cannot ski…

It’s now Friday here in Snowbird (the day after I began writing this update)… ha ha… I know… Schuy has suddenly gone from Little Bird to Snow bird… no comment…yet another smile and Universal chuckle… the lifts outside appear to have closed… there is not a skier to be seen on the slopes and the snow continues to snow away….wow… and of course the tops of these mountains hide themselves in clouds…I confess that is is really remarkable.. The canyon roads have been closed all day due to avalanches and there have even been times throughout the night and day when we were not allowed to leave our buildings until further notice. Quite surreal!

Thirty years ago, i lived in Utah and now as I stare out of this window, in spite of my love of palm trees, I confess that at moments like these, I miss it. It pushed me— sometimes beyond my limits— but as I think back it’s not really all about living one’s entire life within a certain comfort zone, is it?

Schuyler and I are here in Utah to soak in the winter magic as well as to visit with some of Schuy’s skiing Yale friends. Tomorrow, Schuy will actually have the chance to ski herself thanks to Wasatch Mountain Adaptive Ski Sports here at Snowbird. I confess that she is a bit nervous but we have been assured that she will absolutely LOVE IT!

At lunch this afternoon, I had a fabulous conversation with one of Schuy’s friends about the importance of resilience. Koji mentioned that an Ivy League education (specifically Yale) implied that the graduate would be intelligent, resourceful, well educated and pleasant. The unknown was whether these graduates would be able to handle the disappointments and perceived “failures” that they were destined to encounter along the way. Would they have the resilience to bounce back? This is not one of the qualities that is literally taught in school… I like to insert the word “yet” into that sentence.

Resilience goes back to the concept of learning how to have productive conversations within one’s own head. It’s fine and dandy to have conversations with friends and family — unless those conversations simply rehash what went “wrong”, whose fault it is that it went “wrong”, how unfair it is that it went “wrong” and that you probably shouldn’t ever pursue anything similar again EVER! In other words, if those conversations tighten your container, then they are typically more counter productive than productive.

In technical terms, it’s often called reticular activation system (RAS). That simply means that what you talk about, what you identify most frequently, what you believe you will see, you usually WILL see. Some describe it as the “gateway to the subconscious” where a part of your brain acts like a “night club bouncer” to make sure that you are not over-inundated with stimuli. It subjectively tags certain things as important (or “real”) and gives only those items access to your brain’s VIP section. There have been numerous experiments on this phenomena including the whimsical Invisible Guerrilla Exercise: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGQmdoK_ZfY. Try it for yourself and see. It’s not unlike telling someone that they have 3 minutes to memorize everything blue in the room and then asking them to instead list anything that was red. Chances are that they will be able to list very few.

Expressed slightly differently, we all tend to attract those things that we are giving the most air time. If you, for example, are constantly talking about being short of money, you are not going to find an abundance of money heading your way. That’s not what you are focused on or what you spend your time talking about. The “reality” that you identify to your brain is an on-going condition of lack. You must want that to have admission to the VIP room because you are constantly thinking and talking about it. To your brain, your focus is clearly on lack of money so it’s going to give you more of that.

Ditto for your relationships… problems that show up at home and at work… the more that you commiserate, the more you are invested in giving this condition a larger share of your brain’s VIP room.

How do we interrupt this cycle?

Typically, changing the flow requires a re-boot. It also requires that the RAS system believes not only that this level of re-boot can be accomplished but more-over that this re-boot will be to your/its advantage. Your mind at first will probably not agree to this restructure of priorities and its perceived “realities”. In order to gain your conscious and subconscious brains’ trust, you probably will have to start small.

If a relationship with one specific person has been the major thorn in your side, that is not the best place to start. Begin with things that may seem silly so that you and your mind can warm up to the idea that you WILL see what you believe — i.e. what you focus on.

Start with the “double digit” exercise, for example. Without any pressure or any invested outcome, tell your mind to alert you to double digits when they are near you. Don’t be surprised when you look up at the clock and it’s 5:55 or 11:11. You may suddenly see double digits when dining at restaurants or in street addresses. You will be amazed at how many double digits you will “as if by magic” suddenly see!

Try this for the next 30 days and every time that you see a double digit number consciously thank yourself for allowing you to see this thing that you have asked to see.

We will “play” with more exercises as we move forward, but this “small” little exercise can be mighty!

Schuyler’s recovery includes moments of Mindfulness and Yoga

So back to the idea of resilience…. the concept of resilience actually connects with the words and conversations that you are having within yourself. Let’s imagine that someone starts a new business. After many hours of intense work and investment, the business ultimately folds. To the person who launched this business, it most likely feels like a “failure” — one that this person’s mind might categorize as a “mistake” that must never be repeated.

Let’s approach this scenario from a different lens. What if 5 years down the road, this same person realizes that the failure of this first business humbled him “so perfectly” that he was able to accept employment in another company. From this company, he was able to learn numerous components that are critical to any business’s success. In addition, he was able to advance his own learning curve on someone else’s dime when his own business wasn’t at stake. Now (5 years after the closure of this person’s first business), this person launches a second business. This time with all of this new knowledge behind him/her, this entrepreneur’s business begins growing steadily.

Knowing that the “fall” of the first business would ultimately lead to conditions that would improve the success of the second business, was the first business actually a “failure” or simply a necessary brick in this person’s Success Wall? I’m sure you have heard the numerous stories of initial “failures / rejections” in the lives of people who went on to be superstars (the Beatles, Michael Jordan, Benjamin Franklin, etc.).

What does paradigm shift mean in the context of your own life? Is there something (or some things) in your own life that you might have erroneously labeled as a “mistake” that could simply be setting the context for your future success? Perhaps opening you up to a more receptive mindset so that you are willing to learn and/or to consider a different approach or view point? Perhaps building up your mental and spiritual strength so that you can handle the opportunity when the opportunity arrives?

Take a moment to look back at your own life? See if there could be another way to look at your current “obstacles” or at the frustrations of the past. What would it take 5 years from now for these “stumbles’ to seem like “heroic leaps” on the way to success? Just another move in the overall choreography of your Happy Dance?

An hour has passed.  As I look out the window, the snow storm has finally passed. For the first time since we arrived, blue skies abound. How appropriate to this message. Though the storm was furious, though the storm created avalanches and blocked roads, the sun now shines brilliantly through. Thanks to this huge storm, what I look out upon is far more beautiful and breathtaking than had the storms never descended. It’s truly a wonderland of mountains, snow-kissed evergreens, clouds and beautiful, beautiful fresh powdery white snow.

If you wish to live a life filled with love, prosperity and passion, I urge you to practice thinking your thoughts more deliberately rather than simply letting (as Esther Hicks) would say “your thoughts think you.” Your mind is truly powerful and it can indeed serve you well.

Start the journey toward In-Joy-fulness by diving into our first few exercises. Practice the double digit exercise. Look for those stories from your present and past that you have unintentionally used to diminish your power due to the meaning that you have given them. “What am I making this mean about me and about my own life?” “Am I stuck in this moment or continuing the flow by labeling it ‘temporary’”?

Be mindful going forward of how you are telling yourself your story. What elements of your past and your present do you truly want invite to join you in your inner VIP lounge?

Sending you all mountains of snow-covered love!

In-Joy,

Meridith Hankenson Alexander

For more info on RAS, see https: http://study.com/academy/lesson/reticular-activating-system-definition-function.html